Only a few days after we ended the first chapter of our story, I found myself sitting by the sea, watching the horizon beneath a rainbow, wishing you were there beside me.

The ocean reminded me of where I am now, adrift, without a compass or a clear destination, simply surviving, growing, and allowing the wind and waves to carry me wherever they may. Perhaps one day, somehow, they will bring me back to you.

I tried to enjoy the scenery without thinking of you. I failed.

Everywhere I go, some part of you follows. I see your face in passing moments, hear your voice echoing somewhere deep in my mind, and find your smile hidden in places where it has no reason to be.

Even the most beautiful things seem to lead me back to you.

The warmth of the world still reaches my skin, but somehow it no longer reaches my heart. There is a coldness that has settled somewhere inside me, and I don't know how long it intends to stay.

I know time will eventually soften this pain. Perhaps one day it will no longer hurt the way it does now. But I have a feeling that even when the pain finally fades, the longing will remain.

Night is the hardest.

There is something unbearably quiet about returning to an empty bed, without your warmth beside me, without the touch of your skin, without that familiar scent that made everything feel safe.

It is strange to become myself again after knowing what it felt like to have you there.

And sometimes, for a brief second, I feel nothing at all.

Then the realisation arrives, that I may never have you in my life again, and it moves through me like a cold shiver, sharp enough to feel like a blade beneath the ribs.

I am still, somehow, half hope, half agony.

Hope that perhaps our story has not reached its final page. Agony in knowing that it may have.

I keep thinking about that morning. Was that truly the last time I would ever hold you close? The last time I would feel your presence beside me, hear your voice, or look into your eyes from that distance where the rest of the world seemed to disappear?

I wish I could say I have accepted it.

I haven't.

But I also know there are things even love cannot control. Sometimes the deepest desire in the world is still powerless against circumstance, timing, and another person's heart.

And perhaps you will never even read these words in this lifetime. As much as I wish that were not the case, I can feel the light beginning to dim.

Still, I needed to write.

It has taken me a great deal of thought and courage to send you all of this after everything we talked about and the way things ended. I know what you said, and I respect it. I do not want to pressure you, change your mind, or make you feel responsible for what I feel.

I simply know myself well enough to understand that if I remained silent, I would regret it.

So let me say this once, without asking anything in return:

There is nothing wrong with you.

You are beautiful exactly as you are. Your presence, your mind, your energy, your smile, the way you see the world, all of it brought a kind of light into my life that I had not realised I was missing.

For however brief a time, you made my world brighter.

And I like you more than I ever expected to. You already know that. But perhaps you deserve to know the full extent of it too.

I love and adore you.

As a friend. As someone I admire. As someone I could have imagined building a life beside.

Perhaps even as the person I might have loved for a lifetime.

But please, don't carry the weight of those words. They are mine to carry.

I will be alright during our time apart. I will work, create, learn, grow, and continue becoming the person I want to be. I will learn your language, understand more of your culture, and become stronger, kinder, more capable, not because I expect anything from you, but because knowing you made me want to become better.

And if we are ever fortunate enough to cross paths again, I hope you will find me changed in all the right ways.

If that day comes, and you still have a place for me in your life, I will hold nothing back. I will love you gently, care for you sincerely, and give you everything I can without asking you to become anyone other than yourself.

Until then, I will let you breathe.

I know that the time we shared was real. I know it was beautiful. And I understand, perhaps more than I wish I did, that distance may be the kindest thing for both of us right now.

Maybe one day our paths will meet again.

Maybe they won't.

And if, somewhere along the way, you find someone who can give you the love I wished to give you, I hope he treats you with extraordinary kindness. I hope he sees what I saw. I hope he protects your softness without ever trying to possess it, and gives you all the happiness you deserve.

As for me, I will carry the memory of you quietly.

Not as something I need to reclaim, but as something beautiful I was fortunate enough to experience.

The world was brighter with you in it.

And even if you were only a chapter, I will always be grateful that, for a little while, I got to be part of your story.

Love, Kai